Money Fixes Everything

Did anyone catch that millionaire "reality" show last night? I missed the first half hour or so but picked it up when the father and son were in the grocery store and met the woman who was buying maybe 10 gallons of milk. My first thought was that personally, I'm in a grocery store several times per week, which gives me over 100 opportunities per year to randomly check out in front of someone who was buying 10 gallons of milk and just happens to feed the homeless, yet it has never happened to me. I immediately wondered how "random" this encounter was. But I know, it's show biz, and there's usually nothing "real" about "reality" shows, so I let it slide.

Next, they "randomly" go to the quicky mart and notice a donation jar for a little girl who has cancer. The clerk seems to know just a little too much about her situation, but again, it's TV. Next comes the tear jerker scene where they meet the little girl with cancer and her parents who have no health care.

After the commercial break, the father and son have to make some tough decisions. Who would they give their money to and how much? In one of the only honest moments of the entire program, the son waxes about how he always thought that the poor were poor because they were dumb and ignorant, but now he realizes that maybe it is the rich who are ignorant, because they fail to understand that many of the things that happen to people that puts them in these situations could happen to anybody. There is almost an epiphany when he realizes that the amount of money in your bank account doesn't necessarily equate with intelligence. He goes on to say that ordinarily he would never even step foot in these neighborhoods let alone find himself bonding with these people who were born without a silver spoon. I was left with the feeling that this kid might just benefit from his appearance on this show.

Then of course, the disgusting conclusion of the show. Where the duo dress up like rich people, get in their Mercedes SUV and "confront" these "poor" folk. They make a big deal about showing how truly "sorry" they are to have "lied" to these people about who they are. Yes, we lied about being "one of you", (choke back a sob), "we're really, (choke back another sob), fortunate enough to be millionaires." (sob, sob, sob...looks of anger and dismay from the suckers). But...it's all good because we're about to throw money at you!!!!!! Please, we want you to accept this check for (at this point I'm expecting it to be a million dollars) $25,000. The recipient is happy, me, the viewer, is not. But they still have two more "poor people" to "help", so I'm guessing they're going to give the million to the little girl with cancer.

We have to wait while they give $50,000 to the grocery store milk woman who helps the homeless, then finally on to the cancer girl and our exciting finale. I'm still operating under the mistaken premise that these millionaires are going to give away a million dollars, so I'm expecting the cancer girl to get a whopping $925,000. I'm even giving my beautiful wife a harsh glance as she comments on how ridiculous this whole program is.

Finally, the climax. They knock on cancer girl's door. Her father steps out of the house. We lied to you, we're not like you, we're rich...blah blah blah. Please accept this check for....$50,000. Are you fucking kidding me? This girl has cancer! Her family has no health care insurance! Do you have any idea how far $50,000 will go? One treatment? Two? How fucking out of touch with reality are you people? My wife is even more irate. She points out that if these people are receiving Medicaid then this $50,000 totally fucks them as they have to report it and as a result will likely lose whatever benefits they previously had. Holy shit.

But it's all good. Because in the final scene, the rich, superior people get to ride back home in their private boat and talk about how much they learned from this experience and how much they "helped" these people in need.

While we were still reeling from what we had just witnessed, Fox tried to suck us into a second episode. We passed. And hopefully, America will do the same.