I See Dead People

I just read that the Vatican is attempting to keep people who claim to have seen the Virgin Mary silent until they can investigate the claims. The Vatican will investigate visions to determine which are credible by assessing the content to see if they contravene church teachings. They are even going so far as to update their handbook on the subject, which hasn't been updated since 1978.

OK. I don't know who is crazier, the people who are seeing dead people or the people who have written a handbook to determine which visions from dead people are real.

I've taken the liberty of re-writing the handbook for them. Here it is in it's entirety. Which visions of the Virgin Mary are real? NONE OF THEM. The End. Yeah, it turns out I only needed three words to finish my handbook.

And the whole notion that they will assess the content to see if they contravene church teachings. Seriously. We'll only consider your desperate cry for attention if you're fortunate enough to have made up a vision that is consistent with our religious dogma. Otherwise, you are obviously a tool of the devil.

Further, claims will only be believed if you keep your mouth shut. If the crazy person refuses to obey the Vatican then this will be considered a sign that their claim is false. Wow, how convenient all of theses rules are for the Catholic Church.

All miracles shall happen according to our book of rules. No exceptions.

Seriously, Pope Benedict, use the handbook that I wrote for you and be done with it.